Death And All Its Friends

Awake
by Michael Heffernan

I lay down in my bed and went to sleep

but only after worrying that the pain

that came up in my chest, seemingly deep

inside it where my heart was, was a plain

signal that I might not survive the night

and could be lying cold beside my wife

when she got up, as she does, with the light,

to start another day in her own life,

while mine was over, unbeknown to us,

including me. As I was worrying

I went to sleep and woke up in four hours

to use the bathroom. Birds had begun to sing.

Two dogs were barking. Nothing perilous

had come to find us. What was ours was ours.

There is just something so painful when a period comes to a close. And it's a repetitive process. Soccer season would come to a close and it wasn't just the hurt of not making it to the state championship, but it was sad knowing that this particular group of girls would never share this field again. Same feeling for high school and college graduations, people moving, breakups, etc. Even though these experiences usually don't end in death, there is still a finality to it. It's amazing how the situation, the context dictates so much of our experience with other people. Those moments are gone and there are plenty of more moments ahead-they're just different moments with a different cast and crew.

One of the vocational hazards of working in an ICU is that you encounter death a lot. And it is only a matter of time before you start to think of your own mortality. How will I die? Will it be painful? Will I get a chance to say goodbye? etc. These thoughts of mortality have even prompted me to draw up a last will and testament at the age of 26. Maybe I'm strange, but I don't find that morbid at all.

Last week I heard a message on death and its relationship with Christianity. We focus so much on life and resurrection in Christianity but I personally had never stopped and thought about the death side of it to this degree. The pastor delivering the message suggested that everything we believe about Christianity, about Christ and about who He was hinged on what we thought about death-more specifically, did Christ really die? Did He really go to a place beyond goodbyes for three days? Because if He didn't really conquer death, then that changes Christianity. And if He didn't die, does that affect your life at all?

This is where the message has stayed with me for the last eight days: if Christ didn't raise up after three days of no pulse, would you feel like you had wasted your life or would you be irritated on the level of when they demoted Pluto from planet to star? To ask the question a different way: have you lived your life so sold out for Christ that if it turned out to be a hoax you would have felt robbed of a life wasted and not just annoyed at the biggest scam of all time? For myself, that was a convicting question.

It is so hard to discuss this topic well and be concise. I am choosing to be concise. And I am also choosing to leave you with Solomon Burke and Dolly Parton's duet "Tomorrow Is Forever". It's what I'm spinning today and it's a nice reminder that forever has yet to come.




Blessings,

KB

P.S. Solomon Burke's project "Nashville" is fantastic. 

Too Much

Get your funk on.

What Pi Sounds Like

Happy Friday, y'all!

What Pi sounds like @ Yahoo! Video

St. Patricks Day

Happy St. Patricks Day, y'all!



''Saint Patrick, for whom todays Catholic holiday is named, was not born Irish. His parents were Romano-British and deacons at the local church. At sixteen Patrick was kidnapped by Irish raiders and taken to Ireland as a slave. He escaped his captives, snuck aboard a ship and made his way back to Britain. When he returned to Britain he studied to be a priest, after which he decided to return to Ireland to preach the gospel to what was then a polytheistic culture.
Saint Patrick was said to have used the shamrock to explain to the Irish people the doctrine of the Trinity. He spent thirty more years in Ireland and died on the 17th of March, 461. He is considered the principal missionary from Rome to the Irish and is celebrated as such on this day.
Today Saint Patricks day is celebrated around the world as a sort of tribute to the Irish and the culture of Ireland, a relatively small Island with a storied past and perhaps more storied characters within. It is, of course, widely known for its association with the drinking of beer. Saint Patricks day is the day in which the most alcohol is consumed by Americans. You can just see Saint Patrick now, can’t you, wandering into an American bar well after midnight, laying down on the floor next to a passed out college student, pointing at the paper shamrocks stapled to the ceiling, and explaining how much the Father loves the Son, and the Son loves the Father, and how the Holy Ghost is with us always, even on the floor of a pub." Donald Miller

Blessings,

KB

P.S. Crank some of The Dubliners today-"Wild Rover" is one of my favorites.

Just My Imagination



Five Days A Week In Latin

 I am notorious for living in daydreams. During college and high school, I would often take knitting needles to class in an effort to occupy my hands and focus my mind on the lecture at hand. Doodles on the side of the page, knitting, shredding little gum wrappers-these were signs that I was soaking up the information presented before me. If you ever saw me sitting still, eyes foreword, you could guarantee I was already gone.

This is part of the reason I love the show Scrubs so much. The lead character, J.D., is continuously drifting off into an imagination sidebar of ludicrous situations, living in his own fantasies.



As cute and funny as kittens being an appropriate substitute for CPR is, it bothers me how much that represents my day to day. That I allow my mind to circle ideas and topics of things that aren't challenging, aren't changing me. How self centered my thoughts are.

"Slow Dancing In A Burning Room" is just fantastic, John.

No matter what you think of John Mayer or his music or the girls he's dated, there's no denying that he's a very, very bright guy. He was quoted last year as saying the following and this excerpt from it eloquently shows the dangers of continually living in a safe but self centered mind set:

"I grew up in my own head. As soon as I lose that control, once I have to deal with someone else’s desires, I cut and run. I’m pretty culpable about being hard to live with. I have had a good run of imagining things into reality. I’ve got a huge streak of successes based on my own inventions. If you tell me I’m wrong or that I’m overthinking something, well, overthinking has given me everything in my career. I have a hard time not looking at anxiety disorder as being like an ATM. I can invent things really well. When I meet somebody, I’m in a situation in which I can’t run it because another person is involved. That means letting someone else talk, not waiting for them to remind you of something interesting you had in mind....What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery." John Mayer,  February 2010

It costs us something to think of others-it's a gamble living in community and the first step towards that risk is acknowledging others. Donald Miller said it well in his book Blue Like Jazz, "But the trouble with deep belief is that it costs something. And there is something inside me, some selfish beast of a subtle thing that doesn't like the truth at all because it carries responsibility, and if I actually believe these things I have to do something about them. It is so, so cumbersome to believe anything."

I've been spending a lot of time on the website Wrecked, a website for social action for spiritual misfits. I read an article that asked the question "what wrecks you? what can't you stand?" This question is supposed to be a compass towards your passions and your called ministry. Sometimes I think the more appropriate question would be "does anything wreck you? does anything break your heart?"

For me, it is much easier to remain insulated in my thoughts, in my fantasies than to think about ugly things. There is no guilt or cumbersome belief in thinking about bridesmaids dresses at potential weddings, or how cool it would be to play at the Ryman one day, or writing a novel that would be shelved next to The Great Gatsby in homes everywhere. How selfish I am with the mind that God has given me, a mind designed to think and grow and love and serve Him. How wasteful for me to give away precious storage space to these trite thoughts instead of thinking about the people in Japan suffering apocalyptic events, the malaria ridden children in Africa or the millions of children being trafficked in India right now. If only I loved my neighbor as much as I loved myself-I'd probably think of them more often.

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time:

"I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind." Emily Bronte

Here's to hoping that we can dwell on things that change us, challenge us. Ideas that run through us and alter the color of our minds. Here's to being wrecked for something.

Blessings,

KB

P.S. Mat Kearney's "City of Black & White" is bringing the sunshine today.

Third Contest Entry

Third entry in our Mumford March Madness contest-who is your favorite? Winner gets a copy of Mumford & Sons Sigh No More:

Unconditional Love

So I have an exceptional child in my classroom. (Exceptional is the new buzz word for "special ed.") He has grown on me since the beginning of school. He now has a big place in my heart. Today I broke some other pieces of my heart and his.

At the end of 9 weeks, we have a special event for the kiddos to do something fun if their behavior has been good and they have been responsible. This was his first time to make it. Everyone was so happy for him especially me.

He goes to work with an exceptional educator each day and today just happened to be right before our special event. 1:30 came and I took my kiddos out. Everyone that is except him. I forgot he was gone. At 2:30 when we came back, he was in my line. I asked him if he had a good time and he said he hadn't gone. What? "Ms.Quarles, you forgot me."

Heart breaks.

By the time I figured out what happened he held his head high, but huge crocodile size tears were spouting out. I asked for his forgiveness and his reply "Yes, Ms.Quarles. You are still my favorite teacher."

Daggers to my heart.

My eyes started getting wet and I tried my hardest to hold it in. He gave me a hug. I said a quick prayer. What a lesson on unconditional love and forgiveness.

Bumper Stickers

Lipscomb University is selling bumper stickers to help raise money for their summer mission trip. The "Hope In Grace" stickers represent the two orphanages they'll be working with: Asha (Hope in Hindi) Mission and Grace Home. Each sticker is $2.50 and all proceeds go to the trip. If you want one, let us know!

KB

Unearthing Sexual Exploitation

Unearthing Sexual Exploitation

Walk On

Here's a recap of yesterday's blog:

 

Perfectly summarized

So it's been almost four years since Vader's ride of choice struck me at Sonic. Since that time my knee has ebbed and flowed between healing and breaking more. As we speak, I am in my usual position of R.I.C.E. (rest, ice, compression and elevation...) trying to get the swelling down. It's been so long since I've had the freedom to slip on some running shoes and sprint around outside for miles and miles and it energized me, not discouraged me. I've missed trail running the way some people miss an ex-boyfriend or a pet that's passed on. That's the way I've missed the white trail at Percy Warner Park.

There were many moments of frustration during these last four years. Moments of 'why' and trying to find purpose in such a thing as a knee injury from doing my job. God's sovereignty doesn't really cross your mind when you're spending all your time over analyzing why you don't deserve trials and how you're going to 'fix' it.

About a mile from my house is a track I ran on in high school frequently. It's where the regional championship was held and holds a plethora of memories for me. Surrounding the perimeter of the property is a wood chip track where people come to jog and walk their dogs. The track is fenced in but is still visible from the wee trail.


More Microsoft Paint Awesomeness



Hubbell and I go there a couple of times a week and walk/jog around it depending on the pain radiating from my right knee. Many days it feels like an exercise in futility as I go round and round a place that used to be a territory of accomplishment-a visual reminder of my weakness.

Last week as Hubbell and I lapped the trail, my iPod clipped through the usual roster: My Morning Jacket, REM, Jump, Little Children, Florence and the Machine, Queen, Ryan Adams...and then u2's "Walk On" geared up. I know it's incredibly cheesy, but there was something about this run with that weather with that song that was purely inspirational. Looking through the chain link fence at a track where a few years ago I was strong and now being weak, it was liberating to have that playing as background music. The message of pushing through trials in faith is valued-whether that race of faith is a walk or a run. It reminded me of II Corinthians 12:9-10 where Paul boasts in his weakness, so that Christ's strength may shine through, giving glory to Christ and to Christ alone.

I read a devotional recently about this relationship between our short comings and God's power by A.B. Simpson. Here it is:

"And being absolutley certain that whatever promise He is bound by, He is able to make good" (Rom. 4:20)

'We are told that Abraham could look at his own body and consider it as good as dead without being discouraged, because he was not looking at himself but at the Almighty One.

He did not stagger at the promise, but stood straight up unbending beneath his might load of blessing; and instead of growing weak he waxed strong in the faith, grew more robust, the more difficulties became apparent, glorifying God through His very sufficiency and being ''fully persuaded that he who had promised was'' not merely able but as it literally means ''abundantly able'', munificently able, able with an infinite surplus of resources to perform.

He is the God of boundless resources. The only limit is in us. Our asking, our thinking, our praying are too small; our expectations are too limited. He is trying to lift us up to a higher conception, and lure us on to a mightier expectation and appropriation. Oh, shall we put Him in derision? There is no limit to what we may ask and expect of our glorious El Shaddai; and there is but one measure here given for His blessing, and that is ''according to the power that worketh in us''.

That's all for today. Be encouraged in your trials-it's not your strength that will get you through it. It's God's promise of goodness. So just keep on walkin' in that promise.

Blessings,

KB

P.S. I think it goes without saying that today I'm spinning u2.

A Prayer for Japan

A Prayer for Japan

Death Star

I used to be a runner. Past tense. Ran track. Ran cross country. Won some big races and lost some big races. Running aired more on the side of love for me in the 'love/hate' relationship most people find with it. Even before the age of the iPod, I loved escaping out on a trail and getting lost in my head. Then the iPod showed up and married my love of three things: running, being outside and music. It was a polygamous relationship.

This aspect of my life came to a very abrupt stop in July of 2007. At the time I was training for a mini triathlon and was finding great joy in returning from a hard run in the Tennessee heat. There is such great satisfaction in being exhausted with purpose.



Would you like to try cheese on that?

 After one such run, I hurried from training to my job at the time: skating carhop at Sonic. Here's some interesting economics: made more money as a carhop at Sonic than as a bedside nurse in an ICU. If only people could tip their nurses...

This evening at work started no differently than any other. I went to work, laced up my skates, and put my smile on. About an hour into my shift, an incident happened that would prove to rob me of much joy for years to come. A large truck, and I mean a LARGE truck-think a Ford F-950, something with a a hemi for its hemi, a machine capable of derailing a train kind of large-pulled into a stall and just forgot to come to a complete stop. And hit me.




Death Star on wheels

Nope. This is a Death Star on wheels:

If you ever find yourself in this wager: "who do you think would win in a fight: a skating carhop or the Death Star on wheels?" Go with your instincts and put your money on the Death Star.



An unlikely scenario





This sucked. There's really no eloquent way to express it. It just sucked. That encounter tore my knee up something awful. My race that I had trained so hard for was out of the question. Spent months in a knee brace that claimed half the territory of my right leg and became a connoisseur of physical therapy exercises. Props to physical therapists every where: your profession is amazing. Thank you.

There are life lessons I learned from this comical injury. Another blog, another day. Probably tomorrow.

Blessings,

KB

P.S. I'm admitting that I've been listening to Men Without Hats today. S-A-F-E-T-Y....

Our Second Entry!

Here's our second entry:

i want a love that is a flood
of ideas
fresh water
fresh start
unimpersonating everyone
i want a love that is a heart
pumping blood
gushing out and
giving me
more reason to come alive
I want a love that is a flood
from the gut
pouring out
pouring out his love for me
i want a love that is a flood
to wash right over
the arc i've built
the arc i've been
hiding out in
i want a love.
a love that
sends out doves
a love with wings
a love that knows both
dangerous
and innocent things

Are you typical?

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

Never Ending Story

This summer I have the privilege of co-leading Lipscomb University's mission trip to India. We'll be visiting Asha Mission Children's Home where these little monkeys live:



Raj in classic photobomb mode

Last night I had them over for dinner and a 'getting to know each other' evening. (By the way, I made a baked ham and linguini casserole that was yummy and quick. Good recipe to keep in the back of your mind). Each student was required to bring a show and tell item and it was immediately evident what an unique group we had on our hands. From poetry they've written to Asian sports gear to pictures of family, each student was able to give us a sneak peak of their personality through a tangible item. One student, Eliza, brought a copy of one of her favorite child hood movies, The Never Ending Story, which I just found delightful! And I'm eager to share it with the kids at Asha Mission in July.



Not exactly the version we'll be showing in India...



 In between devouring pasta and an apricot cobbler, the guys took the initiative on the piano and guitar and a very cool South American hand drum. They led us in rounds of songs that every one in the room knew the majority of the words to-those kinds of situations are like singing along to a Dave Matthews Song...but we pulled it together for Fleet Foxes' "White Winter Hymnal" and now I've had that song stuck in my head for 12 hrs. Not necessarily a bad thing.

It was such a neat visual to see everyone sitting in a circle being a tangible example of I Corinthians 12:

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.'' I Corinthians 12:4

Claire has a talent for hip hop dancing. Drew and Andy are poets and scholars at heart. Tom is an athlete with an interest in other cultures. Hannah is a darn good little photographer. And Ashley sculpts unique and intricate creations. All of these gifts took years and years to cultivate and grow-years where none of these students knew each other and now God is unifying them for the same cause: to reach the hurting people in India. The same Spirit, the same Lord, the same God is working all these different gifts together and I am pumped to see how it all comes together in July.

Don't forget to enter in our Mumford March Madness contest to win a copy of Mumford & Sons "Sigh No More"!

Blessings,

KB

P.S. It's no shock that I'm still spinning Fleet Foxes' self titled album today.



Mumford & Sons - The Cave

Our first contest entry

Here is the first entry in our Mumford March Madness contest:

Loving The Least Of These: The Faces of Love: "Love. What a small, powerful word. It has the potential to change the world. To change us. Most of us seem to e..."

Thanks so much!

KB

Mumford March Madness

It's no secret that all of us at Ashraya Mission love the album Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons. I bet we've 'tweeted' the line "Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you/It will set you free " about a dozen times. 

And as hackneyed as it sounds, we really believe that. We believe that love, more specifically the love of God, will never betray us, leave us, forsake us, dismay us or enslave us. It is the love that sets prisoners free-whether that prison was made of physical, emotional or spiritual walls. It is the love that is going to release the children from sexual slavery in India.

We want to share a little Mumford & Sons with y'all. So here are the rules of the game:

1) Write a little blog about love. This is your interpretation of love and it can be as personal, serious, introspective, creative or just down right silly as you want it to be.
2) Email your blog entry to ashrayamission@gmail.com
3) We'll be posting the blog entries on our blog (the one you're reading right now...).
4) The blog entry that gets the most comments, the most 'votes' if you will, by the 30th of March wins a copy of Mumford & Sons Sigh No More.
5) Be as shameless as you want to be about getting your friends to vote for your entry. Promote it on facebook, email it out, put it on twitter, whatever. We won't judge.
If this game goes well, we could pick another album for April, one for May, etc, etc.

Blessings,

KB

Will Rucker



First passport photo!

Ashraya Mission is so blessed to have friends like Will Rucker in our lives. I went to high school with Will and his older brother Ben-just two of the raddest brothers you'll ever meet. Raddest? Most rad? More radder? Moving on...

Will is a local photographer/videographer (and he's a darn good one too). He has caught the vision at Ashraya Mission and is volunteering his time and energy and using his talents so that others can see the vision. Literally. This August, Will is going to be joining us in India for about a month. He'll be gathering footage of the work that needs to be done in India and how Ashraya Mission is trying to fill that need. These pictures and films are going to be used as fundraising media in churches, colleges, online, etc.

This is such a big, big sacrifice on Will's behalf. Not only is he giving his time, talent and energy-he's raising money to pay his own way over there. We are so appreciative to have a friend with a heart like Will Rucker's. Very humbling indeed.

If you love Will or if you love Ashraya Mission or if you love India or if you love art or all of the above, please consider giving to his facebook campaign to raise money for the plane ticket. The goal is to raise $1,300 to cover his ticket.

Please think about making this happen. Five dollars. Ten dollars. All of it helps. Here is the link to his facebook campaign:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=147153618673857



Blessings,

KB

P.S. Loving, loving, loving Typhoon's "Hunger and Thirst" today. Layer upon layer of sound in this one.